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Submit your own story to Nomads

From the Bar, 2009

Submitted by Alan C. Atkins on Sunday, February 8, 2009, 11:34 am

At my mate Rich’s request, I thought that I would contribute to this new-fangled website, and help those that have left us, (for other countries, you dorks. I doubt if this is received ‘up there’ or even ‘down there’ where most of us seem destined). After all, ‘official’ statements from the club never tell the truth, and you all know that I am a stickler for the truth.

So, what is the latest on our club? Well, our old manager, Bert, has left us. He did a great job with our club, but for a Nomads manager, was – well – a bit different. For one thing, we never saw him in a pair of shorts and ratty tee shirt like most of our previous managers, and he never ever propped up the bar. What kind of Nomad manager is that? He took his job seriously. Anyway, he is now gone and little Malou, who I remember when she was a virgin, as been appointed as Acting Manager, which is a smart move on behalf of the board. Acting managers are far cheaper than actual managers. The fact is though, wee Malou, who is taller than me by the way, does such a bloody good job that they will have to find a replacement soon, or our reputation will be down the swanee.

This new website is great, with the exception of the section on lawn bowling. They managed to name the current captain as old Mannering, but the article still names Brent Chamberlain as current captain. A bit confusing, eh, wot chaps?

Anyway, exciting things are happening on our club. We have probably got the best board we have seen in years, mainly by having an election committee who named only just enough people willing to stand. Well, we did still have to vote, but there was only one loser.

Once again, Midas is president, and a good choice he is too, although he still can’t explain as to why beer in his own air-conditioned gaff is cheaper than around the wind-swept bar of the club.

Going-going is still the signer of cheques, although he has retired from the business now, so his new monicker should be going-gone. Be assured that while he holds this position, cheap beer will permanently be a thing of the past, although there is a happy hour now, between 1:00 am and 2:00 am for those who stay to watch Premier League.

Another board member is young Tom, the walking football encyclopedia. If there was a course on football memorabilia, he would be cum laude. (That’s stuffed him. He will spend all next week trying to figure out if that was a compliment or an insult). Tom is doing a great job in trying to get our kids into the sport, and at a very young age. Who knows, in years to come Nomads will be able to field a football side whose members do not automatically qualify for the veteran’s tournaments.

Of course, Tom has the backing of our sports director, F*** Off Andy. Amazing guy is F*** Off. He is a Jekyll and Hyde. He can be a nasty bastard on the field, but a gem of a man off.

Another director, from the lawn bowls section, originates from Sweden. I am always nice to him, because his mother gave him a Sheila’s name, Connie. I know that living with a sheila’s name will toughen you up. I remember Johnny Cash’s hit: A Boy Named Sue, so I am not going to upset this one.

Of course, my old Paki (Whoops. Knowing what happened to Prince Harry when the press found out he had used that term, I didn’t write that) my sun-kissed child of God friend, Faisal, is still on the board makes me happy. An ardent cricketer and very friendly guy, he is a delight to be with, especially during Ramadan when he declines a beer. The only problem he gives the board is where to park his carpet.

Of course, Bigfellar Brad is also a board member. It must have been a joke though that they put him in charge of ‘communications’. An Aussie who can communicate? Cummon, guys. After spending years down-under, even I have a job understanding what he says. Joking only, Brad. You, like everyone else, is bigger than me and you wouldn’t hit an old fellow, would you? I really like Australians, honest, even though I find it a bit difficult at times to get on with you white bastards.

Finally, who can forget Smiley Sinclair, the man they couldn’t hang. Smart bloke is Smiley. Old Bert did a great job at improving the looks of the club, so Smiley took over House and Grounds and gets all the credit. Good on yah, Ian. You learned something from me.

So, that’s about it. If I have upset anybody, then I have succeeded. Next month, I will reveal how you can all become rich and help on Going-Gone achieve his dream of us owning our own land. See you at the bar – where the board can always be found.


scott redlich Sunday, March 13, 2011, 6:07 pm
Alan, (I apologize that this is not related to your Nomad Club info, but his is urgent - if someone can forward this to you, please, it would be great)... I've been searching quite a bit to find a way to contact you. It's related to your co-authoring in Albert Wilson's case many years ago. I'm trying to help a friend who has been a radical victim of extortion, similarly falsely accused as with Wilson. Kindly email me back as soon as possible? Thank you very much,
Scott Redlich
Mike March Thursday, November 27, 2014, 8:14 am
Hi Alan
I thought you might still be involved with Nomads. Just dropping by to say hello.
If all goes well, I might be back there full-time in 2015, so a drink will need to take place. It would be great to catch-up.
Mike March
Matt Freeston Friday, November 28, 2014, 8:59 am
Sad to say Alan passed away a couple of years ago. Let us know when you are back in town.
Where are you based these days
Mike March Monday, December 29, 2014, 5:48 am
Hi Matt
Many thanks for letting me know. Very sad news indeed! Are you an old friend of Alan's? A member of Nomads? both? :)
I did receieve a lovely email from Alan's daughter not long ago, but have since lost that and her email address following the great crash of 2014 - my beloved PC and hard drive went down and I lost everything!!
I'm currently living in Shelly Beach on the NSW Central Coast, but I'm hoping that if the stars align as I hope, I'll be back living and working in Manila early 2015. I am keen to join Nomads - love my cricket, rugby & tennis.
All the best.


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